Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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