Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
