You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I forget how to act sober
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
