I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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