how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
