THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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