The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
