He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
