Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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