i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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