if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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