Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
