A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
