You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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