I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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