Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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