If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
how drunk are you?
Several
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
