Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
