Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
