Im at strip club and am horny
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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