Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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