So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
