That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
