dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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