She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I would fuck him just for his dog
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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