I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
