I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
