it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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