i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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