I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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