you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
