Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
