My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
