I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
