My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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