Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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