That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
