wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
