I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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