Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
