Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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