What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
