Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
