Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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