1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
