omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
