I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
