when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
