Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hippo gnu deer
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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