i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
