my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
