Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
