so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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