i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
