Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
